Advice from Dad's

"Your thoughts are limited by your vocabulary.", my father told me when I was a teenager.

That one line set me on the path to reading, building my vocabulary, falling in love with dictionaries, enjoying word-play, and attempting to write well and speak well. This expanded the horizons of my comprehension, and also gave me the ability to appreciate the refined, subtle thoughts written by others. There is a richness to the commentary of human experience that I would have missed out on had I not enjoyed reading and writing as much as I do.

This path has been central to how, for better or for worse, my personality evolved in the last 20 years since that afternoon.



"Whenever you feel down, take a bath. Shave. Put on your best clothes. And just. Be. Happy. You're pretending, of course, but that's the point. Pretend that you feel good. Act like you're on top of the situation. And you know what? Eventually you will be. It's all in your head, son."


Make sure you marry somebody you want your kids to act like.


The best advice my dad gave me was in his inability to give advice:

I was just out of college and I was madly in love. Ridiculously. Blindly. In. Love. ... at least to a 22 year old... I thought it was the be all, end all of love affairs. Then, it happened--I got pregnant. I think I peed on at least 20 sticks--all plus signs. Just as I was sitting down at dinner to tell my boyfriend and to ask him what we wanted to do about it, he says "I have something I've been meaning to tell you--I think we should break up." I just started shaking and sobbing and it was quite a show. Eventually I mustered up the ability to say what I needed to say. He got up and walked out and never came back. I called my dad sobbing beyond anything he'd ever dealt with before from his daughter.

"Why can't I find a man like you, dad? Someone who does the right thing and acts like a man and respects me as someone's daughter?"

...That's when the silence hit. 

"Daddy?" I asked. 

Still silent. 

After a while, he said,"You know, I wasn't always the man you know. There was a time before you were born that I dated someone who I wasn't very fair to. I broke her heart..."

I said, "Yeah, but you apologized. You always take accountability."

Much to my surprise, he said, "No. No, I never did apologize." 

There was a long pause. 

"But I can tell you one thing: 

"If I wasn't sorry about it then, I certainly am double sorry now. Sorry doesn't even explain it. Because despite what I might have done to someone's daughter back then... there's no greater pain than watching a young man do to your own daughter what you did to someone else's 40 years earlier."

That conversation has never left my mind.


Do not be afraid to take advice from those who has tried something and failed. Do not take it from those who have never tried anything.


I was in class 7 when first time I fell in love with my best friend but before I could express my love to her, someone else proposed her and she said yes to him. At that time I was feeling down so told everything to my dad and then this is what he replied me: 

“Honey, you must have heard people saying that love cannot happen at an age of 12 or 13” I nodded as Papa said, “I feel, though they are not right, they are not completely wrong either. Love can happen at any age but one has to be mature enough to cherish the fullest form of love. See yourself, you care for her, you always want a smile on her face, it hurts you when she is in pain and a lot of things which show that you love her and I believe you truly love her but are you big enough to face the consequences of loving someone?" He paused, "No!"
“Love is unconditional. It never expects anything in return from the other person. If you love someone that does not mean that the same person has to love you, as you were free to love anyone so does the other person too. I love you, your mamma, your didi loves you but we have never expected you to love us in return. We just simply love you.  Moreover love is not about you, it’s neither about what you get out of it nor what the other person can give to you. When a person is immature, he thought of love to be proceeded by a relationship between a girl and a boy but what I feel is that love does not require anything either before or after falling into it. These kinds of relationship only try to fit love in a small box, keeps it there but love is infinitely sized while the box is… well there is no box large enough. Love is not about having a girlfriend or a boyfriend you can show off with and tell people. It’s not even about you feeling ‘proud’ to be with someone, it means you love the other person exactly as they are, exactly as they were before and exactly as they will be in the coming life. Your love for her should mean you will always be with her no matter what, she has the same feelings for you or not, you will always care for her no matter what, she loves you or not.”
“But yeah no one in this world has born with a tyrant heart so someday, somehow that person will realize the immense love of the other though it may take little time.” 
That was one of the best conversation I had with my dad and that day I learnt what actually love was.




He whispered into my ears, words that I carry in my heart and try to follow every day of my life, "Words are like arrows - once released, they cannot be taken back. Never say anything you will regret - if you don't like a situation, just get up and go away."

On my wedding day, just as I was leaving for my husband's home, ready to make my life with him and his family forever, my father said this to me. Twenty-five years ago, it was tough advice for an independent take-charge girl(then!!) to follow -  there were times when it was difficult not to retort, and I would remember his words and prefer to move away from an unpleasant situation rather than to retort and repent at leisure. 

Time has shown the wisdom in his words...I can look back with pride and say I did well and that the love and respect my actions have garnered are the medals I wear with pride.

It is now time for me to whisper the same words into my children's ears...and I hope the cycle goes on forever.

When I was a little girl, my father taught me a new word every day, but he always ended the lesson with....

He will live in my heart forever as the special father who taught his daughter the wisdom to speak well or not at all.



I don't have a problem even if you become a woodcutter. But if you're gonna be a woodcutter, be the best goddamn woodcutter ever. 




A woman creates the atmosphere in her home. She makes it a happy, sad, angry, frustrated one, so be sure you make your home a happy home. 
 
He told me this when I was about 14, and depressed over something. And today, after almost 15 years of marriage, I know this to be so true. With my moods, I can influence my husband, my kids, to be happy. 
 
Moods / Atmosphere infects your surroundings, and it is in your power what you create within your family. 
 
Thank you Papa, for this.



" Son, Not everything is measured in L.P.A. "

The ultimate life hack

In a series of experiments, Stanford researcher Carol Dweck divided students into two groups and gave them relatively easy math tests. After the students did well on the tests, half of the them were praised for being naturally clever or gifted, and half were praised for working hard. After those conversations, they were given harder math tests. The ones who were praised for working hard performed dramatically better on the more difficult exams.

Students who are praised for effort quickly adopt what Dweck calls a “growth mindset.” When they face more difficult problems they think “hard work got me this far, so I just need to work a bit harder and I will figure out these questions too.” 

Students who are praised for being clever adopt a destructive internal narrative. They think “Perhaps I’m not that clever after all, since I can’t figure out these harder questions.” So they quickly give up. Or worse, they see the hard questions as a threat to their self-esteem, and develop the dangerous habit of avoiding any situation where they might be wrong. (e.g. Any situation where they might learn something new!) 

So what can you do? If you’re a parent or teacher, praise effort rather than innate ability. And for yourself – ascribe your own success to effort and tenacity rather than innate ability. Really believe that your successes are a result of your efforts rather than purely some innate gift. 

It really is that simple!

SOCIALISM COMMUNISM FASCISM NAZISM

SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A GERMAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

A JAPANESE CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow, and produce the milk of 20 cows. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called cowkimon and market them worldwide.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

SWISS CAPITALISM; You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.

INDIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CAPITALISM; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM; You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

GREEK CAPITALISM; You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut.

Is the Indian youth really becoming modern?

I don't think so. Even if they are, it's only skin deep.

Using Facebook and Twitter, taking photos from DSLRs, clicking selfies from iPhones, boozing and clubbing on weekends, gym-ing and so on are what I refer to as "skin deep modernism" or what is famously called "Aping the West". And this is what the youth is doing. They are blindly adopting only those things which they can see - in movies, news, etc - and term this as being modern. These things are a part of a lifestyle that has been derived from modern advancement, they are an an indication of modernity, not modernity itself. If today Apple decides to donate iPhones to all of Africa, we won't say Africa has become a modern continent.

I believe that being modern is a shift in science and technology, how we think, behave and act, and therefore requires a deeper understanding than what is visible in movies. Doing advanced research to develop power efficient phones like iPhone, packing millions of transistors to create Intel-like chips, creating weather-agnostic seeds, attempting to develop low cost drugs for cancer - these are modern advancements. We successfully put Mangalyan on Mars orbit, built nuclear weapons, constructed Metro transportation in cities - these reflected modernity. Modernity means treating servants and waiters with respect, not eve teasing a girl when you see her, neither judging nor caring about others while jogging on streets, not looking down upon a friend who is working part-time in McDonalds to pay his college's fees and so on. It requires a radical shift in our thought process that is based on casteism, social statuses, gender inequality, etc

Parents bashing, coming from the West, is considered to be modern and solution for all problems. But do you know that children in West start earning for themselves from their teens, and pay their own college fees and rent? You cannot decide your own future and then order parents to pay for it. Being independent is modernity, parents bashing is not. A lot of people claim to be feminists, but many of them don't even know what it is. Feminism, women empowerment and gender equality are much needed, but it is essential to go one level deep to actually understand these concepts for their effective implementation.

So I believe you got the essence of the answer. Becoming modern requires an evolution - in thoughts, education and implementation. It requires deliberate and conscious efforts to get to the root cause of change. Modernity will come when youth would start questioning "Why" and "How" to what they see, and not just adopt these and stop. The evolution process has started, but there is still time before I can say that the youth today is becoming "modern".