Date a Girl who reads

"You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes." 
— Rosemarie Urquico

Shantaram

Shantaram is a book that I will always advise till eternity fails. Few quotes that just blew my mind are.

Luck is what happens to you when fate gets tired of waiting. 

Happiness is a myth. 

It was invented to make us buy new things. 

A dream is a place where a wish and a fear meet. When the wish and fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare. 

Silence is the tortured mans revengeIf fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the jokeNews is about what people do. 

Gossip is about how they enjoyed doing itMen reveal what they think when they look away, and what they feel when they hesitate. With women, it’s the other way aroundThere’s no meanness too spiteful or too cruel, when we hate someone for all the wrong reasonsAt first,  when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one  will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread instead is that we  won’t stop loving them, even after they are dead and gone. 

There is nothing as depressing as good advice. 

All horse good. 

All man not good.

Haruki Murakami

Murakami has written some of the most emotionally poignant books I have come across. Here are some excerpts -

“She waited for the train to pass. Then she said, "I sometimes think that people’s hearts are like deep wells. Nobody knows what’s at the bottom. All you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while.” 
- Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

“Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.” 
- Kafka on the Shore

“No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That's all.” 
-Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

And the best one,

“If you remember me, then I don't care if everyone else forgets.” 
-Kafka on the Shore

Lines from books

This is from Charlie Chaplin's autobiography. He was talking about a particular dialogue from his film Monsieur Verdoux(1947) which really made me think.

Henri Verdoux: It's the approach of death that terrifies.
The Girl: I suppose, if the unborn knew of the approach of life, they'd be just as terrified.

“She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ 
And I said,‘why?,’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so
profoundly happy.
 Happiness like this is
frightening.’ I asked her why and she
said, ‘They only let you be this happy if
they’re preparing to take something
from you.’”

— The Kite Runner, By Khaled Hosseini.
“People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.”
To Kill a Mockingbird
"Children aren't colouring books. You don't get to fill them with your favourite colours."

 -Kite Runner, Khaled Hossieni
“Let me tell you this: If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” 

― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

Goldman sachs

A manager at Goldman Sachs has this to tell.

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Welcome to 'Goldman Sachs'!

How do I get over my bad habit of procrastination?

I'll answer your question, but first I need to explain all of human civilisation in 2 minutes with the aid of a cartoon snake.

Humans like to think we're a clever lot. Yet those magnificent, mighty brains that allow us to split the atom and touch the moon are the same stupid brains that can't start an assignment until the day before it's due.

We evolved from primitive creatures, but we never quite shed ourselves of their legacy. You know the clever, rational part of your brain you think of as your human consciousness? Let's call him Albert. He lives in your brain alongside an impulsive baby reptile called Rex:

You know how you can't help but notice if a stranger is tongue-wettingly gorgeous? That's Rex, and no matter how hard you try, you can never turn him off. He's your instinct, your impulse, your love and your fear. 

We like to think of Albert as "our true self" - the conscious part of our brain. He's the talking, reasoning part. When we decide to go to the gym or write that term paper, Albert made that decision. But Albert is old, easily exhausted, and switches off all the time.

Your brain is locked in a battle of wills between a sleepy professor and an impulsive reptile with unlimited energy. You may as well hand Rex the steering wheel.

Rex does listen to Albert. Like a child, he will do a lot of what he's told, as long as he doesn't disagree too much. But if Rex desperately yearns to crash on the sofa to watch Survivor and eat Cheetos, that's what you're going to do.

The incredible ascension of mankind that surrounds us is largely possible because we've developed systems to nurture the Rex's in our brains, to subdue, soothe and subvert them.

Much of this system we call "civilisation". Widely available food and shelter take care of a lot. So does a system of law, and justice. Mandatory education. Entertainment. Monogamy. All of it calms Rex down for long enough for Albert to do something useful - like discover penicillin, or invent Cheetos.

Now let's look at your procrastination.

You're making a decision with your conscious mind and wondering why you're not  carrying it out. The truth is your daily decision maker - Rex - is not nearly so mature.

Imagine you had to constantly convince a young child to do what you wanted. For simple actions, asserting your authority might be enough. "It's time for dinner". But if that child doesn't want to do something, it won't listen. You need to cajole it:

• Forget logic. Once you've decided to do something, logic and rationale won't help you. Your inner reptile can be placated, scared and excited. But it doesn't speak with language and cannot be reasoned with.
• Comfort matters. If you're hungry, tired or depressed your baby reptile will rebel. Fail to take care of yourself, and he'll wail and scream and refuse to do a damn thing you say. That's what he's for. Eat, sleep and make time for fun.
• Nurture discipline. Build a routine of positive and negative reinforcement. If you want a child to eat their vegetables, don't give them dessert first. Reward yourself for successes, and set up assured punishments for your failure. Classic examples include committing to a public goal, or working in a team - social pressure can influence Rex. 
• Incite emotion. Your reptile brain responds to emotion. That is its language. So get yourself pumped, or terrified. Motivational talks, movies and articles can work, for a while. I use dramatic music (one of my favourite playlists is called Music to conquer worlds by). Picture the bliss associated with getting something done, or the horrors of failing. Make your imagination vivid enough that it shakes you. We use similar tricks on children for a reason: "brush your teeth or they'll fall out".
• Force a start. The most important thing you can do is start. Much of Rex's instincts are to avoid change, and once you begin something those instincts start to tip into your favour. With enough time, you can even convince Rex to love doing the things he hated. There's a reason we force kids to go to school or to try piano lessons.
• Bias your environment. Rex is short sighted and not terribly bright. If he sees a Facebook icon, he'll want it. It's like showing a child the start of a cool TV program immediately before bedtime. Design your environment to be free from such distractions: sign out of instant messenger, turn off notifications, turn off email. Have separate places for work and fun, and ideally separate computers (or at least accounts).

Once you know what to look for, you'll start to recognise the patterns and control them.

There's an impulsive baby reptile in your brain, and unfortunately he has the steering wheel. If you can be a good parent to him he'll mostly do what you say, and serve you well. Just remember who's in charge.

Tamil songs lyrics

1. Sowkkiyama Kanne:
A girl is singing to her lover whom she meets after a very long separation.
Spotify - Track
En kaatril swasam illai. En kaatril swasam illai. Athu kidakkatum vidu unakkenna aachu.
There is no breath in my air. There is no breath in my air.
But let it be, tell me what happened to you.

2. Poongatrile - Uyire
Ithayam karugum oru vaasam varugiratha?
Can you smell a heart burning to ashes?

3. Oru deivam thantha poove - Kannathil muthamittal
A father sings to his daughter who finds out that she had been adopted

Izhaitha kavithai nee, ezhuthu pizhaiyum nee
You are the poem I wrote; You are the  (spelling ) mistake made (while writing it)
Iraval velicham nee. Iravin kanneer nee
You are the rented light (lamp). You are the tears of the night.
Enathu vaanam nee. Izhantha siragum nee.
You are my sky. You are the feathers I lost.
Naan thooki valartha thuyaram nee
You are the sorrow I picked up and raised ( as my own )

4. Kannalane - Uyire

Pani thuli thaan enna seyyumo, moongil kaadu theepatri eriya? Moongil kaadendru erinthanal maathu

What can a dew drop do, if the bamboo forest is aflame? The girl is burning like a bamboo forest.

5. Un paerai sonnale ( Dum dum dum )
Kaiyai sudum endralum theeyai thodum pillai pol, unnaiye meendum ninaikiren
Like the child who cannot resist touching the flame even though ( he knows ) it would sting, I keep thinking of you.

6. Para para paravai ondru ( Neer paravai )

Mazhaiyil kazhuviya manalile, tholaintha kaaladi naanadi.

I am the footsteps that got lost in the sand washed by rain.

8. Kaadu potta kaadu - Karuthamma
Vairamuthu brings a drought hit village to life with his wonderful imagery. His genius lies in the fact that all the metaphors are those commonly found in a drought hit land.

Kaatu kallikulla ulladum paala pola, ulloora kanneer pongum. Sollama ullam pongum.
Like the milk that clogs the inside of a cactus plant, tears rise inside ( me ) Heart bursts without a word.
Patta marathu mela, etti paarkum onaan pola vaazha vanthom boomi mela
Like the wild lizard that peeps out from the top of the parched tree, we came to live on this earth.

9. Agaram ippo sigaram aachu

Pasiyara paarvai pothum. Parimaara vaarthai pothum. Kanneeril paathi kaayangal aarum.
A glance is enough to satiate hunger. A word is enough to serve ( love )
With tears, half the wounds are healed

Thalai saaika idama illai? Thalai kotha virala illai? Ilangkaatru varava iillai? Ilaipparu parava illai.
Isn't there a place to rest your head? Aren't there fingers to ruffle your hair? Isn't a cool breeze blowing? Lie down and rest, it is ok ( to rest )

10. Minnale nee vanthathenadi - May Madham

My favorite. Every line is heart wrenching. Vairamuthu's best.

Kan vizhithu paartha podhu kalaintha vanname
Un kai regai ondru mattum ninaivuch chinname

( You are ) The color that disappeared when I opened my eyes.
Your finger prints are the only memory left.

Kadhari kadhari enadhu ullam sitharip ponadhe
Indru sitharip pona sillil ellaam unadhu bimbame
Wailing incessantly, my heart shattered into pieces.
Now, only your reflection remains in all the shattered pieces

Paal mazhaikkuk kaathirukkum bhoomi illaiya
Oru pandigaikku kaathirukkum saami illaiya
Doesn't the earth wait for milky rain ( to be drenched) ?
Doesn't God wait for the festival ( to be celebrated) ?

Varthai vara kaathirukkum kavignan illaiya
Naan kaathirunthaal kaadhal innum neelum illaiya
Doesn't a poet wait for words ?
If I wait ( for you ), won't love just increase?

Kanneeril thee valarthu kaathirukkiren
Un kaaladith thadathil naan poothirukkiren
Raising a fire with my tears, I am waiting.
Blossoming at your footsteps.

11. Thaiya Thaiya - Uyire

Oru Vaanavil Iru Murai Varuvadhillai
Adhu Vandhu Pøana Oru Šuvadumillai
Oru Thandavaalaraiyil Thaandippøana Kuyil
Paadippøana Kural Kalaivadhillai

The same rainbow doesn't appear twice.
There is no trace of it having appeared too.
The cuckoo that was crossed by a train on the track,
The song in its voice doesn't dissolve ever.

12.  Kadhal Yogi - Thaalam

Oru siru kili paarthen vaanathile. Manam sikki kondathathan siraginile.
I saw a parrot in the sky. Heart got trapped in its feathers.
Naan vaanathil eriya nerathile kili vannam marainthathu megathile
As I climbed the sky, its colors disappeared in the clouds
Naan manam endra ondru ndri kaatil vaazhnthu kadhal yogi aanene
Left without a heart, I lived in the woods and became a Yogi ( monk ) of love

Manam tholainthum kaathaali tholaikavillai. Ada unnai pondra yogi yaarum pirakavillai.
Even after losing the heart, you didn't lose your love. There has been no other Yogi like you.

Manam tholainthum ninaivugal marakavillai. Avai tholainthal enuyir enakillai. Naan kadhal mattum patri kondu kaanum ulagam vitta yogi aanene
Even after losing the heart, I didn't lose the memories. If I lose them, my life is not mine.
Clutching just my love, losing the world I could see, I became a Yogi


12.  Iravu pagalai theda - Kannukkul Nilavu
Another favorite. A poignant song about solitude.

Iravu Pagalai theda, Ithayam ondrai theda
With night searching for the day, searching for a heart

Alaigal amaithi theda, vizhigal vazhiyai theda
With waves searchng for peace, eyes searching for the path

Sutrugindrathe thendral thinam thinam. Enthan manathai konjam sumakkumo?
The breeze is wandering every day. Will it carry my heart for some time?

Vimmugindrathe vinnil natchathiram, enthan kanavai solli azhaikumo?
The star sobbing in the night sky. Will it call out to me, saying my dream?

Vaazhkai ennum payanam inge thooram thooram.
Enge maarum enge serum sollum kaalam

The journey of life goes very far here.
Where it splits, where it joins, only time will say

Thendral vanthu pookal aadum, athu oru kaalam
Mannil sinthi pookal vadum, ilaiyuthir kaalam

Flowers dance to the breeze in one season.
They wilt after falling to the ground in another.

Kolangal aadum vaasalgal vendum. Thaniyaga azhagillaye
We need peacocks to dance at our doorsteps. Solitude is not beautiful.

Kadalai seraa nadhiyai kandal, tharaiyil aadum meenai kandaal,
Otrai kuyilin sogam kandaal achacho
Seeing a river that cannot reach the sea, a fish that struggles on land, a solitary cuckoo's sorrow, heart weeps.

Veesum kaatru oyvai thedi enge pogum? Pookal pesa vaai irunthal enna pesum?
Where does the blowing wind go in search of rest?What will flowers speak if they had tongues?

Maalai neram paravai kootam kootai thedum. Paravai ponal paravai koodu yaarai thedum
At dusk, birds flock in search of their nests. Who will the nest search when the bird leaves it?

Naadodi megam, ododi ingae yaarodu uravaadumo?
Nomadic cloud, always running away, who does it mingle with?

Annai illa pillai kandaal, pillai illa annai kandaal, anbe illa ulagam kandaal achacho
Seeing a mother without a child, a child without a mother, a world without love,  heart weeps.